I was waiting for something more uplifting to blog about. The glass is half full. Life is good. Not everything sucks. I wanted to blog something more like that, but I can’t shake this feeling of being defeated.
I wonder if it has something to do with the sports teams I follow. Our high school football team celebrates when they score points. Watching them, I just hope they’ll get on the board.
Last week I watched the number one team in the state soundly defeat every level of our high school volleyball team. One game started with us 2-0 and the high school kids chanted “we are winning” and then we lost. It was funny and sad. That team that smoked us made my team play better volleyball than they’d played against lesser opponents.
I’m also a Broncos fan. Watching my favorite team struggle against a crazy good Packers team was interesting, but only because even though I was on the other side, I found it impossible not to appreciate the talent of the other team’s players. I can’t cheer against Aaron Rodgers. It’s just not possible.
There’s a huge gap between okay and brilliant. There’s a big leap from mediocre to championship. Lately it feels like too much work to cross that gulf by myself.
Just start something. Do anything. Keep one promise and maybe that will carry over into other promises. I tell myself this and yet I still feel overwhelmed and defeated before the game even starts.
I’m zapped of energy from navigating family stress and not taking care of myself. I need to sleep more and drink more water. Basic things like that seem difficult. I think maybe I need to play against a team that will crush me if only to experience greatness up close. Losing to a champion is a weird kind of inspiring, right?